“I’m trying to be a writer.”
That’s something I said yesterday in the course of a random conversation with a stranger. It just came out. I didn’t think about it. I didn’t even really realize I was saying it at the time. Yet there it was flying out of my pie hole and into the universe.
I’m trying to be a writer.
Interesting phrasing. Because I think I would have to say that I am a writer. I’ve written a book for Pete’s sake. A full fledged book. Somewhere around 100,000 words. I say down day after day and typed out a book. And I’ve edited it a few times.
And then I put it aside for a while. And guess what? Since then I have written 20,000 words of another book. A completely different one. Different style in fact.
My first book is kind of a memoir/self help/comedic novel. And the second is a fiction novel about a post-apocalyptic society struggling to survive.
Of course I can add to that writing now as well as I have a blog that I write in almost every day. Back when I worked in radio I had a blog about the hockey team that I covered. For over 4 years I was posting a blog almost every day for about 9 months out of the year.
In my life I have done a ton of writing.
So why did I say I am trying to be a writer?
I think it boils down to the fact that I haven’t sold any books. I have monetized any blogs. I’ve never made money directly from writing. And I think for whatever reason, good or bad, in my mind being a writer means making money as a writer.
This is a perspective that I have been trying to change. That’s because not all callings are money makers. If you identify as a “runner” or a “mother” or “father” or “gamer” or plenty of others you wouldn’t be doing so because it makes you money. It might. Some people probably get paid to run or play video games.
And literally as I am typing this it’s actually dawning on me that I don’t care if I make money from my purpose. If writing is that purpose and I never make a penny from it? So be it. If family is my purpose? So be it. If I figure out my purpose is to help other people and that comes through a combination of things including volunteering? So be it.
It doesn’t have to make me money.
I am a writer.
Progress is being made here folks.
My purpose doesn’t have to make me money. My work can just be work. That’s something I would be okay with.
Now that doesn’t mean I have figured this whole thing out. I still want to explore and experiment and figure out the things that I love to do. Things that Groban me.
(Quick aside. My girlfriend and I coined the term “Grobaning” for the way we both seek to build the other person up rather than tear them down. Neither of us wants the other to stand still. We want to be positive and uplifting forces in each other’s lives. Inspire each other.
Raise each other up.
We want to Groban each other.)
I want my life to have been Grobaned. I am coming to realize that doesn’t have to be through work. It can come from myriad places and through various mediums like writing for instance.
Where I think I have come out this morning is that I want to figure out the things that really light up my life. That really fulfill and uplift me and the things that truly bring me joy and passion and a sense of purpose.
If those things end up making me money? So be it. If they don’t? I can handle that too.
I am a writer. No matter what happens. No matter how much money I ever make from it. I need to get used to saying that.
I am a writer.