It does feel like at this point I should tell a story about being drunk where I did something awesome. To “balance” things out a little bit. One time I was out with a few friends and one of them was hanging out with a woman that was relatively new in his life. And he REALLY liked her. Like, a lot. In fact she helped him to change his life. If you had known him before and then went into a coma to wake up today, about 10ish years later, you would not believe that he had made that type of change in his life.

So my buddy was spending time with a woman that he was into. And the party eventually went back to her place. Where I crashed. Very drunk. In the middle of the night I woke up and had to go to the bathroom. And now at this point I am realizing just how many of my stories involve bowel movements. Slightly embarrassing.

By slightly embarrassing I mean really embarrassing. If I had any sense I would stop telling these stories! But I did say recently that I want to be honest in my writing and not make compromises. So, in that spirit you get to read a lot of words dedicated to me, and people I know, having movements.

Anyway, it turns out that this amazing woman that my friend was getting to know had a pretty small living space. I was sitting there getting to know something myself. I was getting to know the fact that there was a major problem in the design of this living space.

One bathroom.

No problem, right? Lots of places have one facility. You just wait a few minutes if it’s occupied and that’s that.

Well I think if you’ve been reading my blog you know that my bathroom stories don’t have happy endings.

The real issue I Was facing was simple. To get to that bathroom I had to go through an area that was at that point off limits and let’s just say I was reluctant to interrupt anything that may or may not have being happening. It was a magic night for two really incredible people. You don’t walk through that moment to use the bathroom. You just don’t.

What to do?

I sat there for a while holding it in as best I could. But that wasn’t a long term solution. It was rapidly becoming a very short term solution. You can’t say I hadn’t learned from previous experiences though. If there was one thing I knew it’s that I didn’t want to do that in my own pants again. You get to a certain age and it’s just not charming anymore. It gets a bit sad.

When you have a problem then you need a solution. And I had one. This woman lived in a house that was on a small farm and in a secluded area. Sometimes the solution to a complex problem is simple.

So I let myself outside and took a shit on the lawn.

Yeah, maybe that’s embarrassing. Maybe it’s not the classiest thing I have ever done. And sure yeah maybe shitting on someone’s lawn isn’t the best way to make friends. But I couldn’t interrupt the “getting to know” process. No way. That’s not my style.

Shitting anywhere and everywhere may be my style though which is not something you don’t want to have to admit. 

But back to the topic at hand. (which goes back a few stories at this point.) John, Kylie and The Flash and I were all sitting in a pub post-bocce. A pub where I had been very drunk more than a few times in my life. I remember distinctly that this pub had a few different nights a week where triples were on special. I remember because we didn’t miss those nights very often. 

We’ve all been in situations where old habits kick in and it kind of goes without thinking. Whether you just have to have a cigarette while on the golf course. Or you log into a certain website first thing when you get online. Or maybe it’s a certain set of chores that have to be done before your morning coffee. Whatever it is I had one at that pub. Walk in, get a triple and find the best table.

It was almost muscle memory as I walked toward the bar. But instead of a triple I got a diet pop before going to sit down. And you know what?

In that moment I felt at peace with my decision to not imbibe.

It felt right.

There would be tests to come. Challenges in my future. But in that moment I knew it was right. That feeling would come in handy later on. 


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